your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I need to stop coming to work sober
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
