i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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