wanna go halves on a baby?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
