Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
