He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This is classic penis vs brain.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
