are you still at the devil's house?
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
