So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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