lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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