I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
