She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
