Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
