I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
