she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
