U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize