what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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