i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
