No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
