Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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