:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
