Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
