I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize