Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
