how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
