Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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