Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
