??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
