$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
