I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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