so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
