On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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