saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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