I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
