As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
my liver is dry heaving
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
