You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
