Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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