Where is the hickey?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
