i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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