I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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