Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
