when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize