Quick, to the slutcave!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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