toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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