i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
