the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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