porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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