i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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