I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
