You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
True strength comes from lack of pants
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
