Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
