In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
