Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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