i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
