fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
