so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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