In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize