whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
