I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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