he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
