I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
