ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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