i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
