do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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