Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
