dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
