Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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