I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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