I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
