I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
