And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
