you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
