I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
