god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize