After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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