You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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