whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This baby is an asshole
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
