Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize