They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
