Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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