He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Randomize
