Apparently you make a good broom.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Semen is not good for contacts.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
