Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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