Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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