She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
