HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
