Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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