wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
