you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
