I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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