I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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