How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
