Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Walk of Shame today included voting.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
