is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
