Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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