i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
