Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
