I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i will never coherently bang her
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
