i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
